good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
