i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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