i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize