Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
