All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
