I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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