I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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