Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
ttyl tear gas
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize