ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
