You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
