I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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