im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
