I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
