this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
