Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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