how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize