pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
