I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
