Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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