Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
