dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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