Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
