Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
