Your tits are I can't wait for
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just invented taco cereal.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize