yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize