Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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