Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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