just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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