i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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