my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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