hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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