I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
