I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
