the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
