Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
