I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
