How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize