Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In America we eat man semen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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