oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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