we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Soap is not a condiment
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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