My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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