dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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