3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
