I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
