So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
