it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
