It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
