Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
