where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
one two three fourrrrnication!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Randomize
