I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize