This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
