You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize