Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
