only if we run a train.
done.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
