She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
