I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
