Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
either way he was missing a nipple.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
