Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize