U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
