I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
