I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
