She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize