It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
