i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
