I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
